• Recently I wrote about why I follow Jesus. It’s not because he’s healed me, miraculously provided for me, or given me the answers to all of my questions. While he promises to do those things (except maybe all the answers part), I’ve never personally experienced that. In the end, the reason I follow him is because he has won my heart.

    After writing that post, I began to think about how Jesus did it. How did someone who I’ve never seen or audibly heard win my heart?

    In a round-about way, he revealed a bit of how he did it through a blog post on leadership. Jeff Goins, guest-writing on Michael Hyatt’s blog, wrote:

    Great leaders are effective, not because they know all the answers, but because they have the tenacity to act. Leadership, as it turns out, is really the act of making intentional decisions and accepting responsibility for them… [T]his is the key to being a leader worth following.

    A leader worth following…. No one likes following a wishy-washy leader. We like following someone who has a goal and a clear plan to get there. A good leader makes decisions and takes responsibility for the consequences. If it turns out to be a bad decision, he makes another. A leader thinks, discusses, and then makes a decision and sticks with it. This is the type of leader people will follow.

    It hit me that this is what Jesus did. He loved me before I loved him, remember? He made a decision and then invited me to follow him. Like with the disciples by the Sea of Galilee, he turned to me and simply, gently invited me to come with him, to walk in a relationship with him. “I have a goal,” he said, “to transform you from a person of sin into one of righteousness. I want to know you and I want you to know me. Will you come with me?”

    The question hung in the air… as he waited for my answer. The Maker of the Universe, the Alpha and Omega, the King of all kings… waited to hear my answer. Had he forgotten that he controlled the very atoms that formed my tongue? With a lift of his eyebrow those atoms could curl and twist and air would obey his command and rush into my lungs and form the word, “Yes.” But he didn’t. Nor did he pound pound pound on my door asking in a thunderous voice, “What say you?” He waited for my answer, letting me freely choose to say yes or no.

    How could I reject an invitation like that?

    I certainly didn’t do things right, though. I messed up, left him for other things, said no to his small invitations when I should have said yes, but still he stayed with me. He was patient with my mistakes. He lovingly helped clean up my messes and tenderly lead me out of the dirt.

    At times I screamed at him, hated him for remaining silent, for not giving me the things I needed. I ignored him for months on end, accused him of not loving me—and yet every time I looked, in spite of all I said and did, he still served me. He still gave me breath to breathe, still kept the atoms of my tongue in one place, still lifted the sun every morning, still covered me with his blood, still waited with open arms when I ran to him.

    And lastly, while others rejected me, he called me chosen and precious. He looked at me and said, “This is how I made you and I love it! Not all that extra stuff, like the walls you’ve built or the things that sin have done to you, but you, the you hidden deep down in there for so long you don’t even know what it looks like—I love you.” He gave me permission to be myself, with all my cheesy jokes and bad hair days, with all my zits and cracked voices. He didn’t make me act a certain way or stop doing that annoying thing I do. He let me be me, and went out of his way to create situations where I could simply be who I am.

    And when I felt too awkward to do it myself, he most tenderly, most gently, peered close at the me hidden deep deep inside and said, “Let’s see if we can you out here.” And doggone it, he keeps putting me in situations designed (I’m sure of it) to draw me out. Not ones that will make himself look good, mind you; the Cross was anything but flattering. The situations are never about making himself look cool or attractive. They are all about getting the real me out.

    He leads me to cliff edge after edge and says, “I know you’re too scared to jump even though you really want to, so I’ll do it with you if you want.” I glare at him as I edge closer, and he grins that mischievous grin of his and says, “You don’t have to jump if you don’t want to. But I’ll be with you if you do.” I know if I don’t it’ll only be because I’m afraid, so of course I jump… and each time that I land safely with him next to me I grow more confident that maybe, just maybe, the me I’ve been too afraid to let out actually is valuable.

    At the end of day when I sit down on my bed and think about him, I feel… his nearness. I feel our history together. I remember how he invited me on a journey, how he let me freely say yes or no, how he was patient with all my mistakes (however messy), how he served me no matter what I said, how he accepted me as I was and didn’t make me act like someone else and purposefully found situations that would draw out the real me no matter how it made him look—and my heart fills up.

    This is the One who has won my heart, wholly and fully.

    Now…

    … about that dating advice….

    Men, it’s really simple. Paul compared the way of a man with a woman with Jesus and his Church. So… just follow Jesus’ example.

  • Given that my last two blog posts have been personal thoughts about Jesus, this latest post may seem a bit off-topic. But being a video editor, I also think a lot about the tech world, and everyone these days is talking about the arrival of two new tablets: the Kindle Fire by Amazon, and the Nook Tablet by Barnes & Noble.

    Many reviews have been written about these, but I’ve only focused on the Kindle Fire (and Touch) reviews because I am was a bigger fan of Amazon’s ecosystem. If I buy used books online it’s always through Amazon, and I’ve gotten a few free books by following @dailyfreeebooks, a Twitter account that posts links to “free ebooks for Kindle”. Instapaper, an app I use to read online articles, also works well with the Kindle products, so I figured I would stick with Amazon despite the popularity of B&N’s devices.

    Then on Black Friday I went to Best Buy and played around with the Kindle Fire. The first thing that struck me is that there is nothing noteworthy about the device. No special design, nothing to make it stick out among the slew of other Android tablets—other than it says “Kindle” on the back. It’s as unremarkable as a cardboard box. Seriously. The interface is kind of interesting because the carousel idea is new as opposed to icons on separate pages like in iOS or standard Android, but other than that, nothing about the hardware stands out.

    Perhaps that’s the point. It’s what’s inside the cardboard box that matters. All the reviews I’ve read have pointed out that the device itself is secondary to Amazon’s main goal: give people a portal to the Amazon store. You’re not supposed to notice the device, but instead look past it at the content you’re buying from Amazon.

    This approach is, at first glance, a good idea. The rest of the Android tablets are all advertised based on specs: duo-core, lots of RAM and megahertz, cameras, outputs, and of course Flash. But their problem is there’s almost nothing to put on the devices. Apple fixed that problem by introducing the App Store, Amazon’s solution is the store they’ve been building for fifteen years, and B&N is, after all, a book store.

    The problem is, device design is still very important.

    I didn’t realize that until tonight. I was never planning on getting a Kindle Fire, even more so after using it at Best Buy, but I was still planning on buying a Kindle e-reader. The ecosystem had me. But then tonight I went to Barnes & Noble and used the Nook Tablet for the first time.

    My first thought was, I really like this device. I liked looking at it and I liked using it. It felt good in my hand, the screen was sharp and responsive, and the layout was intuitive and easy to use. It was built well and felt solid. And it was unique. You see the outline of the Nook Tablet and you know instantly what it is. It doesn’t look like anything else. As simple as it is, that little empty loop on the bottom left is really important. The physical home button at the bottom is also very nice to have.

    It’s the little things that I’ve never liked about the Android OS. Scrolling usually stutters a bit and buttons such as the keyboard keys respond just a tiny bit slow. That’s where iOS has always been lightyears ahead of every other touch OS; it responds flawlessly. And while the Nook Tablet may not be on the iOS’s level, it responds really well. I noticed it particularly when using the keyboard on the web browser and when adjusting the settings while reading a book. I didn’t feel any lag at all.

    So okay, now I have a device that feels great to use. Is the ecosystem close to Amazon’s? First, when I stop and think about it, I’m actually not that tied in to Amazon. I haven’t bought any ebooks yet, so what’s really keeping me tied in? Plus, buying from Barnes & Noble helps support the brick-and-mortar stores that I love.

    Second, there are three things I need access to if I’m going to get an e-reader or tablet: Instapaper for online articles, Google Reader for blogs, and (if a tablet) Simplenote for writing. I don’t know yet if the Nook Tablet has those things (due to its limited app store, which is a subset of the Android Market, I don’t think it does), but at the very least it has a good web browser and I could access them as web apps. The Nook also has the Evernote app, which in a pinch I could switch to from Simplenote if needed.

    Third, B&N’s ecosystem is actually quite large. It has over 2.5 million books as opposed to Amazon’s one million. The display model I tried also had a couple newspapers loaded that worked well, and like the Kindle you can also borrow books from the public library.

    Tonight was a good reminder of how important good design is for a device. Even if the device is only meant to be an access point to online content, the experience of using it has to be enjoyable, otherwise you’ll grudgingly pick it up every time. Case in point: Ben Brooks said in his review of the Kindle Fire:

    At the end of the day I would have loved to have taken more time with the Fire before reviewing it, but I honestly didn’t want to have to use the device anymore.

    Even though I only used it for a few minutes, I’m pretty sure I would enjoy using the Nook Tablet every day. I still like the idea of getting an e-reader with an e-ink screen, but Barnes & Noble is winning me over.

    UPDATE: In terms of music, movies, and tv shows, Amazon is far ahead of B&N, which is that ecosystem we were talking about. For me, though, at this time that’s not a main selling point for me. I’m most interested in literary content, and B&N has a lot of that.

    UPDATE 2: I’ve had a few people ask why I didn’t include the iPad in this post. If we’re talking about design, the iPad most definitely wins, and with its great ecosystem it’s no wonder that it’s outselling every other competitor. For starters, I didn’t include it because this wasn’t a post about the Kindle Fire vs. Nook Tablet vs. iPad. My thoughts were about the comparison between the Fire and Nook Tablet only. Secondly, with its $500 price tag, my opinion is that the iPad is in a separate price category than the other two devices. My thoughts in this post were thus directed at the $200-price category. You might say that I should then look at 7″ tablets from Toshiba, Dell, Samsung, etc. But remember, this is a post about the Kindle Fire and Nook Tablet. I didn’t include the others because I haven’t used any of them.

    UPDATE 3: Since writing this post, Apple has released the iPad Mini. Its price is close to $100 more than the Kindle Fire or Nook Tablet, but in terms of hardware and software design it blows them out of the water. To top it off, you can get the Kindle and Nook apps. The iPad Mini is now my recommendation.

  • Lately I’ve been pondering why I am a Christian. If someone asked me, “Why should I become a Christian? Why are you one?” I don’t know what I would say. I could reply, “He heals and provides and leads you through life and gives you answers,” but… honestly, he hasn’t healed me, he hasn’t miraculously given me a bunch of money, and I don’t hear answers that often…. All the reasons I would give, I haven’t experienced. I know these things to be true because I’ve seen them happen in the lives of others and I believe the promises in the Bible, but I haven’t personally experienced them. And so I’ve been at a loss as to what to say to people.

    But this last Sunday I realized that I am a Christian because Jesus in the only one who has chosen me. When others rejected me, he chose me. When others made fun of me, he called me beautiful. He validates my identity and calls me out, draws me out to be who he made me to be.

    In a sentence, he has won my heart.

    I chose him because he chose me first. I love him and follow him because he is the only one who serves me, calls me into my identity, who comes after me and serves me. I love him because he has won my heart.

    There’s no other religion with a god who, in spite of my failings and shortcomings, comes so low and loves me so well. That’s why I follow Jesus.

  • Over the last couple years the Lord has been taking me on a journey of finding my identity. It’s not just about getting a boost of self-esteem, but getting God-esteem: how he feels about me and what my identity is in him. When I know that the Creator of the universe actually likes me, I start acting differently. I start doing things confidently, knowing that the Lord loves me as I am, and I don’t have to live up to any expectations to please him.

    I recently read a book on creative writing that brought this back to mind. While discussing the importance of not copying others and being yourself as a writer, Heather Sellers writes:

    In order to deal with the fear of the unknown that accompanies us every time we take on a new activity, we often suit up. We muscle up a new self: Serious Writer Man. It’s really fake. […]

    [Our mistake is] voice slippage: adopting a false or lofty attitude that seems really smart and right and yours. But it’s not. It’s so easy to lose your voice when you want to write a book very badly. You want to impress the world.

    Suddenly I realized… that’s what I do with girls.

    It’s funny how girls to a single guy are a microcosm for bigger life issues. The pressure of relationships is an intense crucible that brings to surface all those things that we are struggling with in general. “Voice slippage” is no different.

    I’m completely comfortable around girls normally, but as soon as I like one I get all nervous and awkward and I worry about “handling it right”. But like writing a book, there is no one right way. The only “right” way is to simply be me. There are of course good relational things to do, but if I try to ask a girl out using someone else’s method, it’ll feel fake. Like David trying to wear Saul’s armor, it won’t fit right. She’ll know it’s a front. “It’s so easy to lose who you are when you want to ask a girl out. You want to impress the girl….”

    What will capture the heart of the right girl is me doing what I do best: being me.

    That’s scary. It’s terrifying, because it’s me putting myself out there, and what if she doesn’t like me? What if she decides that me isn’t the type of guy she wants? Well, unfortunately… that’s life. People have different likes and what attracts them, just like I’m attracting to one girl over another. The point is, the only thing that will feel legitimate and right is when I’m just me.

    See how this is a microcosm?

    I’m in a group of people. We’ll all talking and laughing and having fun. I think of something to say—and instantly that thought goes through a series of filters. Will they like it? Will they laugh? Will someone think I’m dumb for having this opinion? Maybe I better not say it. Yeah, I better just sit here quietly and wait till I have a real doozy to contribute.

    Walking confidently in my identity starts with getting over the fear that me isn’t good enough. When I’m writing a book, I constantly compare it to all the other books I’ve read. I like a girl and I suddenly compare myself and what I’m doing to all the other people around me. I’m afraid to be me, because I’m not sure if me is good enough.

    But God sees me as good enough. He’s not comparing me to everyone else’s efforts. Even my weak attempts at trying to really, for the first time, express me and my heart brings overflowing joy to his heart. He made me specifically as I am, and he’s eagerly waiting for that true son of God to be revealed. He’s drawing me out, calling me out like a good father, putting me in situations that require a response.

    He wants me to be confident in me, who he made me specifically to be, because the world is desperate for realness. The world doesn’t need another Billy Graham, not another Moses, or Steven Spielberg or Tolkien or C.S. Lewis or Steve Jobs.

    The world needs me.

    Not in a pump-myself-up-and-declare-I’m-needed kind of way, but in a way that I am the only person on earth or in history like me, and the world needs me to be real. The people around me are missing something if I don’t show the real me.

    Now, there certainly is a filter through which my actions should go. Because I am a sinful man, the reaction of me may not line up with the Bible and how God desires me to live. My actions and words and thoughts always need to go through the filter God has given me in the Word and the Holy Spirit. But God never tells me to not be me. He just calls my sinful desires to the right direction.

    In retail, the customers think they know what they want. They think they want something like the last product, but faster and shinier and cheaper. But good creators know not to bow to that demand. They strike out and do something unique to themselves, and suddenly consumers are in a frenzy trying to get it. That’s why Apple is so successful. Steve Jobs was confident enough to be himself, and bold enough to demand no one make him change. And the world realized that was what they really wanted all along.

    When you write a book, don’t put on Serious Writer Man. When you ask a girl out, don’t put on Cool Jock Guy. When you interact with people, don’t put on Funny Joke Guy.

    Be you. It’s scary and may hurt sometimes, but Jesus didn’t make you to be someone else.

    … ‘Course then, after twenty-six years of filtering me away, I have to ask the Lord: who is the real me? Who am I really underneath all these layers and filters?

  • Surprised by Oxford is the memoir of Carolyn Weber, a young woman who leaves her home of Canada to study literature in the ancient halls of Oxford. In the book, Carolyn shares her journey to faith in Jesus, starting from arriving at Oxford as one who knew very little about Christianity, through her struggles as she seeks answers and wrestles with the deep issues of faith, and up to her choice to follow Jesus and the finishing of her schooling at Oxford.

    I can’t adequately describe the pleasure it was to read Surprised by Oxford. As a literature student myself, it was such a joy to read Carolyn’s story, both because of its smooth and engrossing prose and its perspective of God. It reminded me much of C.S. Lewis’ own memoir, Surprised by Joy. Since Oxford was the home of that great Christian writer, Carolyn’s story (and I’m nearly certain the title of it) references him often, and I would gladly put the two books next to each other on my shelf. At nearly five hundred pages the book could have easily grown taxing and boring, but Carolyn writes so well that the length actually helped me, as one character encouraged her, to “Pause. Rest. Reflect.”

    Even a few months after finishing the book, certain scenes stand out in my mind, ones written so tenderly they nearly feel like fiction; ones deeply honest, such as Carolyn’s struggle with men and feminism and a friend’s perfect response to it; ones brilliant in their wisdom and understanding of God and our relationship with Him. Carolyn is honest with her struggles and pains, and walking with her as she wrestled her way to the Lord was encouraging to my own heart and relationship with Him.

    Near the end of the story, Carolyn goes for a walk with a dear friend, who says, “If you look back on your life, you’ll see His hand in it, and over you….” Surprised by Oxford is Carolyn’s looking back, and I’m very happy and honored to have shared it with her.

    (I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own.)

I’m Jesse

Reading, writing, fantasy, adventure, movies—it’s all been my favorite since I was 8 years old. If you enjoy reading fantasy, adventure fiction, and screenwriting, then you’re in the right place!

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